Almond Cream

800g Butter
500g almond meal
500g icing sugar
100g flour
10 egg yolks
1tbs vanilla

 

• Place butter in processor until smooth
• Then add all except the yolk
• Add yolks one at a time until it looks like this:

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I use almond cream in tarts, it also makes a good icing on muffins.

Try mixing it up a bit, add some cinnamon? Some lemon or orange zest?

 

Pear, Chardonnay & Polenta Cake

4 eggs
380g sugar

250ml oil
250ml chardonnay (or any white wine really)

300g plain flour
2 1/2tsp baking powder
120g polenta

tinned pears (you can use tinned apples if you don't like pear, or both!)

frozen raspberries

• Cream the eggs and sugar
• add the oil slowly (like you're making mayonnaise! I know I say this heaps but I truly believe it makes all the difference)
• mix in the chardonnay
• fold through flour, baking powder & polenta
• space out some sliced tinned pears (or apple) on the bottom of a lined cake tin. sprinkle some raspberries.
• pour half the batter
• add some more pears and raspberries
• pour the rest of the mixture in the tin
• bake it till a skewer comes out clean. Don't ask how hot or how long, I have no idea.
• Good luck suckers!

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Make a glaze for the top of the cake by melting some jam and a small amount of water in a saucepan. and pour over the top. (when i say small I mean small, like 1-4 tablespoons of water, it depends on the jam) Garnish with some raspberries and you have a bangin' looking cake that tastes bloody amazing!

Polenta cakes are my favourite kind of cake, so moist and the texture is soft yet so fluffy soft (that totally makes sense, god I'm a dill), point being it's delish!

Saffron Pilaf

1/2tsp saffron threads
2tbs boiling water
2tbs vegtable oil (or clarified butter)
4 cardamom pods
1 small stick of cinnamon
4 cloves
10 black peppercorns
2 1/2 cups long grain rice
1L chicken stock
2 1/2 tsps salt

• Put everything but the rice and stock in a pot and lighty 'fry' the ingredients to release the aromas
• add the rice and stir to coat in the spice mixture
• add the stock and bring to the boil
• reduce the heat and cover. simmer for about 20 minutes or until the rice is soft.
• Set aside and let cool, then you get to pull out all your peppercorns etc.

Just remember to count them as biting on a peppercorn sucks!

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Apple & Pinenut Torte

I don't even know what to call this kind of cake, I didn't have a name listed above my oil stained indecipherable written out recipe.

6 Granny Smith apples
1 large lemon (zest and juice)
3 eggs
250g caster sugar
2tsp natural vanilla extract
100g unsalted butter - melted
100ml milk
150g plain flour
2tsp baking powder
100g roasted pecans - roughly chopped
100g pine nuts - toasted

3tbsp caster sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2tsp ground nutmeg

• Slice apple on one of these fancy slicers. to a thin slice (perhaps 3mm). Just remember to core them!!
• Chuck them in a bowl and add all the zest from the lemon and the juice from the lemon
• Set aside.
• Get another bowl and using your beaters/mixer combine 3 eggs, your sugar and the vanilla.
• add milk then butter - for some reason I always add butter to the mixture very slowly, I think it makes the mixture thicker, it might just be in my head.
• fold through the plain flower and the baking powder.
• add yer nuts (pecans and pine nuts).
• mix it through the apples (give it a taste, because it tastes freaking awesome).
• put it in your lined cake pan then dust it with your caster sugar/cinnamon/nutmeg mix
• chuck her in the oven. I guess around 170°c for 1 hour and 20 minutes or until a skewer comes out squeaky clean.

Dust the entire thing with icing sugar, as it looks tonnes nicer :P
You can add sultanas if they are your thing, I prefer not to add them because they taste like arseholes.

There were no images of this kind of cake anywhere, so here is an apple.

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Parsnip Chips

There is this fantastically terrible thing I used to make at work called pasnip chips.
Basically they are just deep fried pasnip that you can serve with beef or kangaroo steak as a garnish.

All you need is some pasnips & a deep fryer. I guess you could pan fry, but deep frying is much easier when you have the basket to do this.

• Using a potato peeler peel the parsnips.
• Throw away the peel.
• Cut the ends off
• Now, peel the parsnips until there is no parsnip left in your hand, only a pile of peeled up parnsip on the chopping board.
• alrighty, heat your deep fryer up to some kind of hot temperature.
• now lay down some paper towel. or line a tray with some paper towel. just cover the entire kitchen with paper towel.
• Put small handfuls in the fryer and using the tongs/utensil that will not melt make slow figure 8's until they are golden. Then take out straight away! They will be sloppy, but don't fret they go crunchy and nice :)

They burn quickly and go quite bitter when burnt. Which is nasty and a waste of perfectly good parsnip!!

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I decided that until I make all these recipes again I can provide images from other sources just to give you an idea of what they shoudl look like

DIP LIST

All these dips make a lot of dip. so halve and quarter accordingly.

Smoked Salmon Dip

250g salmon
750g cream cheese
Lemon juice

Salt & pepper

• Process all of them.
• Season to taste
• Voila!

To mix it up, why not add some capers?

Hommus

750g cooked chick peas
3/4tsp tahini
1tsp garlic
30mls olive oil (or until consistency looks great)
15mls water
Salt & pepper
White wine vinegar
Lemon Juice

• Process all of them.
• Season to taste
• Voila!

For an alternate version you can add beetroot relish to this dip. In all honesty I love it one thousand times more with the beetroot relish.


Tomato Pesto

250g semi-dried tomatos
150g roasted capsicums (get those marinated ones in the jar from the supermarket).
300g roasted pine nuts
150mls olive oil (or until consistency looks great)
150g powdered parmesan
Salt & pepper
Lemon Juice

• Process toms, caps, pine nuts & parmesan.
• add olive oil very slowly until consistency is awesome. PLEASE be careful this splits quite easily. If it looks as though it is splitting add a little more parmesan and treat it with a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
• Season to taste (which means just add your S&P and your LJ).
• Voila!

Gluten Free Chocolate Torte

375g dark chocolate
200g butter
375g caster sugar
375g almond meal
12 eggs (seperated)

• Melt the butter and chocolate together.
• Using an electric beater (or if you're a rich ass jerk use your Kitchen Aid), add sugar to your butter and chocolate mix.
• Then, go ahead and add some almond meal, and by some I mean all. Just do it slowly to let it combine.
• Add the egg yolks one at a time, giving them time to distribute evenly. set the mixture aside.
• Whisk the egg whites to soft peaks.
• Fold your egg whites through the cake mix. Yeah look, I know the mix is heavy, do it as best you can.
• Bake the sucker at 150°c for about 45 minutes.

Go ahead and make some chocolate gânache for the icing. I know you will because GF cakes always look pretty horrid. See here...

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How to make gânache:
Some dark chocolate
Cream

• Place chocolate in a saucepan with some cream
• mix it until the chocolate melts and its all quite consistant
• Spread it, spread it good.
• (If you're feeling fancy cover the top in chopped hazelnuts)

I don't know how much chocolate or cream you need, I do it by eye.
If you need just Google it.

Sure tastes good, almost like gluten filled cakes really.

Self-saucing Chocolate Pots

2 eggs
2 egg yolks
120g caster sugar
90g dark chocolate
90g butter
45 g flour

• Melt the butter and chocolate together. set aside
• Whisk just the yolks and caster sugar until smooth.
• Whisk whole eggs then add yolks and sugar slowly (almost like when you make mayonnaise).
• Add butter and chocolate mix to the eggs, once again slowly.
• sift in the flour.
• chill for 30 minutes.
• spoon into small moulds.
• chill for 4 hours or overnight.
• bake in oven until springy 'n shit.

Or until they look delicious.

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This is an image of a Sticky Toffee Pudding, but this is how mine always look when I'm finished :)

Sweet Apple and Cashew Salad

1 Chicken breast
Small red onion
Avocado
Pink Lady apple
Fresh goats cheese

Toffeed cashews

Mixed Lettuce

White wine

Olive oil

Brown sugar

Garlic (minced)

• Dice and cook the chicken breast in white wine and garlic.
• Rinse all your fruit and veg (because they taste foul when you don't).
• Cut up your onion and avocado in whatever salad-y way you like.
• Cut up your apple into flat pieces (I use my apple slinky machine thing that is pretty much my favourite kitchen gadget - http://www.eziconcepts.com.au/Products/AppleSlinkyMachine)
  If you don't have one of these, suck shit!
• Put your lettuce, chicken, cut up onion, avo & apple in a bowl.
• Mix the olive oil, brown sugar and minced garlic together, dress the darn thing. Sprinkle your goats cheese and toffeed cashews on the top and VOILA!

This does taste just as good without the chicken, just so the vegetarians out there know :)

Terrible image I know, i will take a nicer one next time :)

Crème Brûlée

300ml cream
8 egg yolks
100g caster sugar
1 vanilla bean (split down middle)

Bowl of ice
Smaller bowl to sit on ice.

Optional:Frozen berries

• Heat cream & vanilla bean on a low heat until it begins to simmer the let rest.
• Whisk egg yolks and sugar in the smaller bowl until smooth.
• Sit the egg mixture on the ice bath.
• Remove the vanilla bean then slowly add the cream and vanilla mix to the egg and sugar mix whilst combing the two with a spoon. The reason I do this slowly is because I have found the heat from the cream can curdle the eggs.
• Fill the dishes you are serving the Crème Brûlée in with the mixture.
• place in refrigerator overnight.
• To serve, coat the top with a fine layer of caster sugar and caramelise with blowtorch or under a grill. I have had friends achieve a toffee top with one of thos super long lighters, but it takes patience.

If you do find there are a few lumps throughout the mixture, then strain the mixture in a fine sifter. This is so the custard is completely smooth when it sets.

You may also line the bottom of them with some berries (I prefer raspberries), it's a nice surprise and offers some sour to go with the sweet.

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